4 Years bitches!

(Image credit: The New Yorker)

I’ve been totally absent from blogging. Not intentionally but rather life has become really busy, working full time, studying, still grieving, raising kids, trying to navigate marriage and all that brings with it. Blah blah blah, I hear you say…I’ve been ok. Getting better slowly but grief, middle aged disillusionment & tiredness can really take its toll on a person’s resolve.

Today is the 4th year of continuous sober-dom! Insert marching band music and banners and confetti and ALL the non alcoholic drinks!

It’s good to celebrate these milestones but the soberversy always comes with a slight discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I know how fragile sobriety can be and even through I feel really solid at the moment, I am painfully aware this really and truly is a one day at a time deal. I’ve had the 4 year milestone before and I’ve drank after so I know now matter what length of time you have it only takes one trauma, one crisis too many one bad moment and voila back in the pit.

I haven’t really done a lot of recovery related stuff the last couple of months. I haven’t listened to Omar (who is my favourite podcaster) and I haven’t really been doing my meditation and journaling all of which help me stay sober. I haven’t wanted to drink mind you I just know that I need to get back doing a bit of recovery every day.

I have however started open water swimming and have been doing it all through the winter. This has literally rocked my world. I am ‘Wim Hoff’ with red curly hair and boobs 🙂 Just kidding, I cant climb Everest in shorts but I can get into a 5 degree English Channel!
The first couple of times of winter swimming was really hard and then something clicked. My addiction centre lit up like a Christmas tree and I was hooked. I’ve been going in the sea every day. Its summer in the UK so admittedly the water is much warmer now so I dont get the same high… now I have to actually swim further and get the endorphins that way.

Ahh addiction…it just comes so naturally to me.

Hope everyone is well:) I shall be catch up on blogs and checking in. x