OK I know my last post was a massive downer. I had my mope, I followed advise from the lovely Betty and Northwoman and wallowed till I could wallow no more. By the way wallowing gets really boring after a couple of days and even I have a limit to how much ice cream i can consume.
Today I have been sober for …drumroll please….one whole year! Did you ever think you would see the day?..Queen of relapse actually made it for 365 days.
Ahem….I would like to thank the Academy, my mom and dad…
Just kidding, I’m not doing any speeches. I’m just surprised and really happy. With the day counting thing there is an element of dissappointment as well and so forgive me for getting a little serious just for a bit…
Part of my depression was due to this unrealistic expectation I had of what the sober me should look like. I mean the sober me should be ‘further her recovery that she is’ That right there ladies and gentlemen is the crux of the issue! Wishing I was different and not accepting myself for who I am in the present moment. Letting myself be enough! Taking care and loving myself instead of bulldosing my way through recovery like there is this massive checklist and GOALS that need to be reached.
Striving and never arriving! So I am taking a step back. I am going to try to be gentle with myself. I’m changing my word for the year half way through the year.(are we allowed to do that?) My new word is COMPASSION. Compassion for myself and my nearest and dearest. Creativity will flow from that when it’s ready.
Thank you for always being there and just being the best damn sober peeps around! Love you all! xxxxxxxx