Thank you for all the messages and emails. I’m totally blown away that you all took the time to comment and send me such lovely words of support.
It’s very strange for me to think that anyone even reads my blog or that anyone wants to hear what I have to say. (I’m not saying that in a self deprecating way, its just really overwhelming all the love. ) The sober blogosphere is just an awesome place and you are all so amazing, don’t know what I would do without ya’ll.
Yesterday was tough, I was violently hung over and my self esteem in tatters on the floor. So I did what you do when times are hard… I had a little pity party, I listened to Leonard Cohen, I wallowed in misery, I cried, I ate carbs, I ate 2 ice creams and I went to bed early.
This morning I woke up with such excitement. I can’t explain it but I know good things are on the way. No I haven’t lost my mind and I am not still drunk. My problems are still there and yes I drank over them but I know that I’m better than I was a year ago because I was able to look at myself with compassion. I can forgive myself for giving in and for drinking. I can look at what happened and see where I can do better next time.
Every day is day one for an addict. Every day we are faced with a choice to fall into old negative patterns or to choose joy and right action. It really is… one day at a time.
Its easy for me to choose joy and right action when things are going well but when the shit hits the fan it gets really tough because I have years of conditioning to undo.
The good thing is that I know I can’t go back. Going back to drinking is like going back into a burning house like Annie Grace says. I know one thing for sure and that is that I’ve got no business being in that house anymore!
I didn’t feel good when I drank, it felt terrible. My body and soul says no it every time.
Couple of things I am going to look at:
- Asking for help when I can see I am being overwhelmed. Phoning someone when I feel I’m on the cliff.
- Making that relapse prevention plan book that postcardsfromrecovery wrote a post about.
- Trying another meeting
- Better self care (meditation, sleep, good nutrition)
- Turning my house into a sober bubble again.
- Researching co-dependency (bought a book suggested by the lovely saoirsek)
- Trying Alanon (Lovely Wendy’s suggestion)
There are more things can’t think of them all right now.