I would love to be able to tell you that I have reached the pinnacle of health and virtue. That I am completely smoke free, eating kale for breakfast and pooping rainbows. Alas this is not the case and my breakfast still consists of two gargantuan cups of coffee and a cigarette.
I’m doing ok.
I’m sober, that is something.
Familiarity is interesting, it can breed contempt most certainly especially when friends get all up in your business. Familiarity can also be very comforting, according to Tony Robbins people are driven by 6 core human needs:
1) Certainty & Variety
2) Significance & Love & Connection
3) Growth & Contribution
Yes…I’ve started listening to Tony Robbins. Now before you go judging me for jumping up and down in my living room asserting my ‘personal power’ let me just say that Tony is not a ‘motivational speaker’ He’s actually a pretty deep dude. He was raised by an alcoholic mother and a lot of what he has to say really resonates with me.
So the need for certainty is a real thing and this need can drive addiction for sure. If I relate this to my on and off smoking this past year or two…The reason I go back to smoking every time is driven by my need for certainty. We will go back to familiar patterns of behaviour even if it’s hurting us just to fulfil that need. This dynamic was at work during my entire drinking career, every single relapse I had was driven by this need for certainty and comfort.
I am still learning to cope with stress…Rome wasn’t built in day ya’ll. All that being said really need to knock this on the head it’s costing me a fortune and 3 sun salutations are making me out of breath.
We may be moving to the coast soon, living the dream yo! During this time of applying for a mortgage and buying a house my need for variety has been met in spades…the thing is I don’t like variety/uncertainty all that much. I am a creature of habit, no big surprise there. I thrive on routine and things staying the same…change is really hard for me.
I am dreading making new friends because in England if you don’t drink you are seen as a weirdo. Mummy wine culture is in full swing here and that is how the mums bond. I’m sure people will be friendly but bonding will be much harder because when you say you don’t drink they look at you as if you have three heads.
It’s going to be fine. Who needs friends anyway, am I right? (**insert crickets chirping**)
So during this time of great change one thing that has remained constant is my sobriety thank fuck for that! I’m drawing again and being creative most days gives me such a boost. Its makes feel great to be alive. Getting sober is by far the best decision I have ever made. Sobriety has given me my life back. Now I just need to iron out the coping with the stress thing and I’m golden.
Peace out sober peeps. xxx