That ol’ familliar feeling…


I would love to be able to tell you that I have reached the pinnacle of health and virtue. That I am completely smoke free, eating kale for breakfast and pooping rainbows. Alas this is not the case and my breakfast still consists of two gargantuan cups of coffee and a cigarette.

I’m doing ok.

I’m sober, that is something.

Familiarity is interesting, it can breed contempt most certainly especially when friends  get all up in your business. Familiarity can also be very comforting, according to Tony Robbins people are driven by 6 core human needs:

1) Certainty & Variety

2) Significance & Love & Connection

3) Growth & Contribution

Yes…I’ve started listening to Tony Robbins. Now before you go judging me for jumping up and down in my living room asserting my ‘personal power’ let me just say that Tony is not a ‘motivational speaker’ He’s actually a pretty deep dude. He was raised by an alcoholic mother and a lot of what he has to say really resonates with me.

So the need for certainty is a real thing and this need can drive addiction for sure. If I relate this to my on and off smoking this past year or two…The reason I go back to smoking every time is driven by my need for certainty. We will go back to familiar patterns of behaviour even if it’s hurting us just to fulfil that need. This dynamic was at work during my entire drinking career, every single relapse I had was driven by this need for certainty and comfort.

I am still learning to cope with stress…Rome wasn’t built in day ya’ll. All that being said really need to knock this on the head it’s costing me a fortune and 3 sun salutations are making me out of breath.

We may be moving to the coast soon, living the dream yo! During this time of applying for a mortgage and buying a house my need for variety has been met in spades…the thing is I don’t like variety/uncertainty all that much. I am a creature of habit, no big surprise there. I thrive on routine and things staying the same…change is really hard for me.

I am dreading making new friends because in England if you don’t drink you are seen as a weirdo. Mummy wine culture is in full swing here and that is how the mums bond. I’m sure people will be friendly but bonding will be much harder because when you say you don’t drink they look at you as if you have three heads.

It’s going to be fine. Who needs friends anyway, am I right? (**insert crickets chirping**)

So during this time of great change one thing that has remained constant is my sobriety thank fuck for that! I’m drawing again and being creative most days gives me such a boost. Its makes feel great to be alive. Getting sober is by far the best decision I have ever made. Sobriety has given me my life back. Now I just need to iron out the coping with the stress thing and I’m golden.

Peace out sober peeps. xxx

12 thoughts on “That ol’ familliar feeling…

  1. I completely understand this. It took me a while to iron it all out. We are still human after all lol. I do health coaching now. If you ever want to do a free session over zoom let me know. It might help you to find other, healthier ways to get what you need 🙂


  2. I’ve always loved the honest way you write “… I am completely smoke free, eating kale for breakfast and pooping rainbows.” Your sense of humour shines through and it engages me every time. I can relate to it too, and wonder where I’d personally be without mine. The Dr once told me to give up one thing at a time and I think that was good advice, for me at least. Even if giving up my depression wasn’t possible, giving up the other shit helped a lot in losing that too, eventually. Making changes isn’t easy, but it sounds like you’re winning. I hate the yummy mummies on wine culture. It’s alive and well in Scotland too.x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Move to the coast? Aaahh, you’re living my dream, although to be fair I’ve no real desire to poop rainbows. Seriously though…You will make new friends! And you have some virtual ones to keep you going 😚 The first cracks are showing in the Mummy Wine Culture, I am convinced. I’m starting to hear a few people expressing discontent with it, and I don’t just mean on my sober insta/blogs. My friend and neighbour literally over the street said she felt the same about it and had taken a step back recently. The times, they are a changin’.
    (Sorry for the length of my essay by the way) Red xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful to hear from you. I think that you showing up in your new town is going to be a godsend for some unsuspecting, as-yet-unidentified coastal inhabitants whose moment in evolution is just ripe for a contented nondrinker to appear in front of them.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hilarious, as always! I love your sense of humor. And don’t worry too much about the smoking right now. ANYTHING is better than drinking. Drinking makes every other habit OK because you don’t give a shit anymore.

    I’ve learned a lot from Tony Robbins. I drove all the way from Orlando to Miami for a 1-day seminar, and yes, I was required to jump up and down. Still, some of what he talked about has stayed with me for years. Awakening the Giant Within is still one of my favorite books to just open up and read a passage.

    The coast will be so exciting! Oddly enough, I’ve made friends in sobriety that are not at all like my other friends. They don’t care about drinking one or the other. These people are out there! Remember, people who no longer drink were once the life of the party.

    xoxo! Shawna

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Tony!! I love Tony. Are you listening to his new podcasts? I agree with Shawna: sober friends are amazing, and not too difficult to find. Also normal drinkers give not two shits whether you drink or not. You’re fine! Three heads are better than one!!

    Liked by 1 person

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