Invasion of the body snatchers…

bodysnatchers

So I was thinking the other day… you know how you can’t drink and drive?  Not being allowed to drink and drive is a totally necessary restriction in a civilised society because you will cause an accident and injure or kill people. I think we can all agree that this is a good thing and that no none will trust a drunk person behind the wheel of a car.

I was just wondering  how  I thought that I can live fullfilling purposeful life while under the influence in all of my spare time?
How did I think I can really navigate life, make good decisions and pursue goals while being fucked up in the head…so fucked up that I cannot be trusted to operate a machine of any description?

You are literally not present in your life so you are leaving a zombie in charge! This explains so many things to me. When I can seperate the zombie (the addict under the influence) from my self I can see I never stood a chance with the walking dead at the steering wheel of my life. My higher self did peek though every now and again and made some good decisions so thank god when I got sober wasnt the point where I lost everything.  I will hasten to add the caveat of YET here! I know recovery is a one day at a time reprieve.

I for one am fucking relieved to be back in my body and my head. It really does feel like I’ve woken up from a bad dream.

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12 thoughts on “Invasion of the body snatchers…

  1. I have to begin with I relapsed yesterday and again today. I did not get “drunk” , but the fact that I allowed myself to drink again a second day in a row… I know the potential.
    I was doing so well, 215 days without drinking despite the most difficult time in my life – several family deaths, a separation with no resolution after a year and tons of hurt, strained relation with my beautiful daughter, Many lonely times.
    This idea of being a zombie and not being present , is what drew me to want to numb out, as I packed things and moved. I wanted and needed to avoid the really hard emotions . I am moving again, likely eventually leaving the area and what has been my home for 30years. My partner is seeing someone else. I will not be part of the community my daughter calls home. I am job searching because my hours reduced and now have added expense of rent.My therapy group that meets weekly, was cancelled through all of August. I saw my individual therapist, but feel that I reached a point of overwhelm, with yet again moving stuff and facing leaving what I know as my home. Many things contribute.
    I’m writing here as I know I need support to not give in to the zombie, who promises to help me avoid feeling this lonely, sad time.
    I’m gonna start with reaching out here, schedule another therapy appt. before my group resumes in 2 weeks. Ineed to process these feelings, I’ve never been to AA meeting and not sure that’s what I need right now.

    Any thoughts on how others got through a break in sober time are welcome.
    The triggers for me were feeling extremely overwhelmed, sad and loneliness. Yes I get together with friends, but they are also friends of my ex and that’s been hard.
    I will not drink tomorrow no matter what, that I know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my word where do I start? First off, do not beat yourself up for a momentary lapse. You are a divine being worthy of love no matter what. Secondly it’s very normal to relapse and lapse on the way. I may get crucified for saying this but I once heard a statistic that it takes an average of 8 years worth of trying and failing before sobriety sticks. This doesn’t mean it HAS to take 8 years it just means that it’s normal. You sound like you have an enormous amount of high stress things going on so no wonder you reached for a drink. The important thing is that you don’t let this become a lengthy relapse. Therapy is a great idea as well as AA. Why not both? Also try to get some good nutrition, and enough sleep. I’m personally going to give AA another shot because I need support from other addicts who ‘get it’ I also think I could benefit from having a sponsor. Someone to call when I’m on the edge which I hate to admit was as close as yesterday. Thank you for reaching out to me. We can do this . 💪💪💪

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      • I appreciate your thoughts and words- you made me cry a little bit, in a compassionate way-we are divine beings, worthy of love, no matter what❤️. I journaled, I read – “when things fall apart” by pemi chodron. I ate a salad. I didn’t drink💪🏻
        I noticed more anxiety today which reinforces to me how alcohol just does a number on my emotions. And that was with just 2 beers.
        Thank you for being here and responding!

        Liked by 1 person

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