My Rockbotteversary

Image result for funny rock bottom quotesRockbotteversary (rock bottom + anniversary, a little play on words that will hopefully catch on:)

Noun:
– To rememeber and to celebrate the date of the rock bottom moment

“Susan celebrated her rockbotteversary by buying that Harley Davidson she always wanted”

Yesterday it was two years ago to the day that I hit my head on that Koi pond. The heavens opened up and hit me right beween the eyes with a big ass wake up call.

The message was clear.

Drinking is going to kill you… one way or another.

You are either going to die from a horrendous drinking accident or your pickled organs are just going to give up…but wait theres more… before it kills you it will destroy EVERYTHING you hold dear. Your sense of self and your family will be totally annihilated by this drug.

I had had many rock bottoms before that fateful day so what made that day any different?

  • I was arrested for public drunkeness when I was a student.
  • I was in several car accidents (I wasn’t driving but the drivers were drunk)
  • I was raped more than once while either passed out or too drunk to know what I was doing.
  • I have caused fights, cried and embarrassed myself more times than I care to count.
  • I fell down stairs, lost wallets, phones jackets.
  • Blackouts were very normal.
  • Towards the end I couldn’t remember putting my children to bed

All of these moments would be enough for any normal person to say …mmmhhh houston I think we have a problem.

Not me… oh no…alcohol was too precious to me, it was part of my DNA!

I dont know what made that day different. All I know is that day I wanted to die rather than carry on living the way I was living. I know we can always go lower but I have no intererst to see how far this elevator can take me. I’ve gone low enough and it scared the shit out of me. There is no happy ending when it comes to alcohol and I wouldn’t wish that end to my worst enemy.

Stopping drinking has been the best decision I have ever made. It hasn’t been easy but once you get through the first gruelling bit… it’s way easier to be sober that to be an addict. Being an active addict fucking hard work I honestly dont know how the hell I got anything done?!

It may be weird to celebrate one’s rock bottom moment. I don’t really know, I feel like its life affirming to remember how low I was because it helps me to see how far I’ve come.

We see life in contrast, we need the dark to really appreciate the light!

Anyway I am grateful to be here, I am grateful to be alive, sober and that I get another shot at this thing called life!

xxx

12 thoughts on “My Rockbotteversary

  1. Hurrah! Your aliveness and sobriety are indeed cause for celebration. I’m so sorry for all the shit you had to go through to get here but love your honesty. I do the darkness makes us appreciate the light all the more. Big hugs and a natural-high five. 😉

    Like

  2. I remember reading that blog when you first posted it. And I thought … Oh yeah, that could easily be me. And was me, in a million different situations. Thank you so much for ‘seeing the light’! The sober universe would not be the same with you. You are one of my all time FAVORITE bloggers because of your humor and honesty. And because you called me Ms. Miracle. THANK YOU for years of inspiration. 💕

    xoxo!

    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

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