All of the things!

guideposts

Confession time…

The past month I have been sober from alcohol but I have been my no means been what the experts would call ‘emotionally sober’

I have been back on the fags (on and off), diving into vats of ice cream and refreshing Facebook like an obsessive-compulsive hermit on crack.

February started off pretty well. After I wrote my last post I was completely determined to tackle this year by the horns and do ALL OF THE THINGS!

My word for this year is creativity and I had such BIG plans. I still have some plans but I have decided to scale back, more about that in a minute.

A friend of mine told me about bullet journaling, if you’re not familiar with the phenomena it’s a customizable organization system. It can be your to-do list, sketchbook, notebook, and diary.

This bullet journal malarkey is right up my street, I love lists and I love drawing and this year of course I am going to do ALL OF THE THINGS so I was sold.

Anything involving the purchase of new stationary causes the same dopamine release my brain as a gram of class A’s or booze. I have absolutely no control in a stationary shop …as I approach my heart pounds faster and when I see the new notebooks, glitter pens and washi tape I literally drool out of the side of my mouth.

I chose a beautiful pink Leuchtturm1917 notebook and stated setting up my pages. It was all very exciting and motivating as things are when you are the ‘new and improved’ version of yourself in the imagined future.

In the front of the journal I pasted in the 10 guideposts for wholehearted living by Brene (we love you Brene) and started decorating the journal with fervour. As I was washi taping and glitter penning I was imagining how organised I was going to be this year. My future self was going to use EVERY minute of EVERY day constructively. No more facebooking memes of cats dancing on rainbows. Ain’t no one got time for that.

This future self was a woman who meditated and did yoga every day, she drank lots of herbal tea and lemon and hot water in the morning to wake up her system. She ‘listened to her body’ and wouldn’t dream of eating anything with sugar in it god forbid! Sugar is poison!

She never went on facebook except to post something about her fabulous life every now and then.

She was on top of all of the kids things and anticipated their every need before they even knew they had them. She never forgot lunch boxes and also never shouted in anger. She was way too ‘evolved’ to ever lash out at her little darlings.

To give you an example of how unrealistic my expectations were , my morning routine for your perusal and amusement:


6:00 wake up

6:00-6-10 –sort breakfast for kids

6:10-6-30 – Meditate

6:30-6:35 get school uniforms ready

6:35 – 7:10 Make school lunches and breakfast for mr Hurrah and myself

7:10- 8:10 Yoga

8:10-8:30 Get myself and kids ready

8:30 take kids to school

9:00 Bullet journal the days tasks and goals

9:10 Start work.


The reality of course was more like this:


6:00 wake up

6:00-6:30 Drag myself out of bed (had less than 6 hours sleep) Drink two gargatuan cups of coffee in quick succession while arguing with my son about what to make for breakfast.

6:30-7:30 Dishes and clearing up while checking Facebook and Instagram in between making lunches and breakfast for mr Hurrah and myself

7:30-8:30 Trying to find clean and ironed uniforms for kids, dealing with lost homework and filling in last minute school forms. Asking children to put their uniforms on 6 million times. Dealing with several ‘friend related’ issues my daughter thinks is pertinent to share with me at this time critical point in the morning

8:30 -8:40 Trying to find hats scarves and gloves and water bottles that are strewn/hidden throughout the house

9:00 Massive cup of coffee and facebook.

9:30 Start work


After a week of trying to stick to this routine I lost motivation and drive. I just reverted back to my old shitty habits. I also just started numbing out all of my unpleasant emotions with sugar, social media, and solitaire. Oh yes I forgot to tell you about my solitaire addiction. It’s a real ‘thing’ I can play that game on my phone for hours in the evening and not look up from my phone once.

I’ve realised that I need to revise this morning routine and also revise my expectations I have of this perfect ‘future self’

It could be something like this:

Get more sleep – My son still wakes up at night and also wakes up really early so I have to go to bed earlier.

Yoga maybe 3 times a week

Try to meditate 10 minutes whenever I can

The irony of course is that I have so many of Brene’s quotes in the journal and I still fell into the old perfectionist trap.

There are so many improvements I can make to my life and myself and being sober wakes you up to the possibilities. But then the perfectionist thing is still a real problem for me and I need to learn to love myself and accept where I am.

My new motto for this year – Have fewer expectations and be realistic!

 

36 thoughts on “All of the things!

  1. Yeah, 🙂 Difficult, isn’t it. Don’t know what else to say. I have given up trying to be perfect and let life take me where it goes. That path lead me to learning to (having to!) accept help and starting to understand how, when I live not according to what is good and healthy, I end up being depressed, fat, overworked and generally unhealthy.
    I have the same in those stores! However, it does not connect with this thing I have come to understand is ‘postponed energy’ or ‘future energy / excitement’ of creating this and that art/book/journal/drawing so I do not buy. Bookstores are more dangerous to my financial status. 🙂
    Wishing you a wonderful time accepting the imperfection of life and the love for yourself to not beat you up. Babysteps, babysteps, babysteps. EVEN for those who are out here for years. 😉 Now I’m going offline to put my own advice into work. 😉
    Hugs and love, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My God! Did you crawl into my body and take over my life? Lol. The love of stationery…the daughter’s ‘friend related’ badly timed discussion, the ice cream, the Facebook refreshing…the SOLITAIRE!

    How much more interesting was that 2nd journal entry though? 😁 Loved this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yep, me too. Still realising it is the first step to change, go easy. You didn’t drink, me neither but sugar, instagram and other shit ,definitely. I’ve upped my meetings and did a bit of service…all helps S x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One thing. Change one thing for a week. See what happens.
    It sounds like too little, but it actually works. Just one.

    There is an online course with Oprah and Brene Brown on the gifts of imperfection. I think it was one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done for myself. It is my bible.

    Hugs.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! For instance, I changed the time I wake up– rolled it back 30 minutes from 6am to 5:30am and it changed my life. I then had time to drink my coffee while I was getting ready and not in the car on the way to work. I have plenty of time to get ready, make lunch and even forget something. so when I leave I think, ok I guess I’ll go now, instead of OH FUCK I GOTTA GOOOOO….

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yep! Sounds familiar indeed! The number of times I created super unrealistic to-do lists / master plans…
    I’m not here to give advice but here is one anyway 🙂 start with something very meaningful to you but quite easy/achievable… and check my post about the power of daily routine 😛
    I meditate everyday, weather it is 5, 10, 15, 20… does not matter as long as I do it. One easy thing (10min max?) every day!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. There is nothing like a good list, and I always envision myself as a lemon and hot water in the mornings, meditating person. This is not my reality at all, the lemons sit in the fridge making me feel bad for not using them. I love stationery too, and solitare.

    I don’t put a time frame on anything anymore (I have almost had panic attacks over my long unrealistic to do lists), I now have a list that will get done when it’s done, and if I don’t go to the gym x amount of times in a month too bad, any other tasks just carries over to the next week/month. Just recognising that the list will never be finished and that it keeps evolving takes the pressure off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh this made me laugh as I too envision myself as a “lemon and hot water” followed by yoga in the morning. In fact I bought lemons yesterday with this very goal in mind. I opened my eyes this morning and adopted set pattern number one, get up, get strong coffee, head back to bed to drink coffee. Ha ha.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This cracked me up!! It’s so REAL! So me! So funny! You just keep on being you. Things will evolve when they’re supposed to!(I tell myself this too!) I don’t know where we got the message that we have to abide by this whole holistic schedule bullshit but I would love to kill the messenger!
    Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have that Guideposts printed out in colour on my bedroom mirror. Sadly it has become part of the furniture and I barely notice it. I think it’s natural for our brains to take the path of least resistance and that is why they say it takes about 30 days for a new thing to become a habit. They don’t however say it takes one day for ALL the new things to become a habit. I agree with Anne, add one thing at a time.
    It’s not your fault though, we have all been trained to expect to learn a new language in 10 days, lose 7 lbs in 3 days, achieve your dreams in 30 days. Those are the EXCEPTION to the rule cases, most of us are just ‘the rule’. Lofty goals like these take away from the small subtle changes that we do manage to achieve but rather than feel success we feel failure because it wasn’t what we intended. Baby steps is the way to go.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. OOh, I have one of those journals but I did not realize I was participating in a trend! I don’t do any of that foofy stuff, I just write lists, and thoughts, and ideas for blogs and essays, and measurements for wardrobes and window blinds, etc. Wow, I just read that it sounds REALLY BORING.
    One goal at a time, doesn’t have to be a big one, just incorporate into your routine, then add another. You would be surprised at how the efficiency builds up. My new goal is to have my lunch ready the night before (what a concept!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes it’s a trend so you are on it! One goal at a time for a couple of weeks and then another. That sounds way more manageble. By the way my journal is pretty much made up of foofy stuff ie glitter penned cartoons and washi tape borders there’s not much content! lol

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hurrah!!! For your sobriety and your hilarious writing. This is probably my favorite: “I have been back on the fags (on and off), diving into vats of ice cream and refreshing Facebook like an obsessive-compulsive hermit on crack.” Baha! Sounds like perfect recovery to me. As I read through your real version of the bullet journal it brought to light the fact that for those us in active healing even the smallest tasks are exhausting because we’re not just waking up and getting ready for the day. We’re waking up and facing again all the crap we couldn’t face before while we’re just beginning to learn how to face it all without the drink, drug, dude or whatever or whoever we used to cope before recovery. I say go you! ❤️

    Like

  11. Expectations verse reality. Great topic to write about. Most of my expectations for productive mornings wind up as yours did. It’s hard to stay on that beam of move move move. Some days I can. There are some days when do get it all done. I find that those days aren’t especially awesome. I get it all done and think to myself, “what should I have been doing instead.”

    I like your resolution a lot. I could use a lot more reality checks myself when it comes to what I think I can do and–more importantly–what I think will happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love this! And I do the same thing with notebooks — stickers and everything. Every year I buy a beautiful planner. Every year, it’s only filled out the first few days. I’m permanently waiting for the new improved me. Monday! I’m going to lose these 10 pounds and start exercising Monday. And no more sugar bingeing.
    Solitaire … now that’s a new one. I will have to look into it.
    Thanks for making me laugh out loud. ; )

    Like

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