One year ago…

brave

One year ago today I had my ‘god moment’ of realisation that alcohol was going to kill me if I didn’t stop drinking.

When I woke up that morning still in my clothes from the night before, confused and battered, I knew something major happened.

I realised that this stuff was playing for keeps. This seemingly innocuous substance that you can buy at the corner shop with your milk and bread, is a deadly poison.

Alcohol knows no class or creed. It doesn’t care if you are prince or pauper. It is the great leveler of men and women. It will strip away your confidence your dignity your moral fiber your values your hopes and dreams and it will damage everyone who you come into contact with.

Alcohol is a liar and a thief, a silver tongue liar that promises to be the answer to all your problems. A thief of time not only a thief of the time that you spend being inebriated but also a thief of the time you need to spend hung over and sick from its effects on the body, mind and soul.

Alcohol is also a great teacher of truth. It promises to make you drunk and it delivers on that promise time and time again. We go back to it expecting different results every damn time and are so baffled as to why we just cant ‘get a grip on this’.

Alcohol is overrated! Being drunk stops being fun when you are addicted you don’t get the same high and so you spend your life chasing it, the only satisfaction you get from drinking is relief of the cravings you had.

Alcohol is dangerous. It’s more dangerous than heroin or crack according to an authoritative study: read more here

The amount of misinformation out there about alcohol is mind fucking baffling! A lot of which is perpetuated by AA! The fact that alcohol is highly addictive for human beings in general and not just a small genetically predisposed percentage of society should be common knowledge but it’s not.

Alcohol is a drug. There is no difference! The fact that society has been conditioned to think of these things separately shows how brainwashed we are.

One year ago today I woke up. I woke up out of my addicted sleep where the denial was keeping me soft and warm. I woke up to the cold hard facts that my addiction and my life had become totally unmanageable.

I would love to say that I stopped drinking after that but I had several lapses since then.
I’m 6 months sober and can honestly say that I am so fucking glad to be rid of it.

I have a lot of work to do, I realise that. I obviously have a lot of anger towards the substance and towards myself for allowing this to continue for so long.

One day I would like to get to point of neutrality where alcohol doesn’t phase me at all. I would also like to fart rainbows and poop glitter, don’t know if those things will ever happen.

It’s just too raw still. I need to just be where I am. I am sober, I am alive and I am so fucking grateful to say those words.

Have a lovely  weekend my gorgeous sober peeps.

xxx

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57 thoughts on “One year ago…

  1. Awe-inspiring post! I wish everyone I know could read this. Such a great illustration of what REALLY happens when you are raised by society to think alcohol is a recreational sport. It is a drug.
    There are so many great lines in your post, but this really struck me:
    “I woke up out of my addicted sleep where the denial was keeping me soft and warm.” That’s exactly why I was so afraid to stop. I didn’t want to lose what I thought kept me safe. So well said.

    And CONGRATULATIONS on six months! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  2. congrats on your six months!
    Alcohol promised me a ton and for a while there, it did deliver. In spades. I was king of the castle, and you were all dirty rascals. And I felt good. I could talk to women, I could feel better about myself, I could feel like I was normal and human. But then it dragged me under and made me its bitch…lol. All praise King Alcohol! What was once my solution to life became a big problem. It didn’t play nice any more. It knocked me on my ass countless times. Took away everything I loved.

    But we’re blessed to be where we are. I truly believe that. Not everyone makes it out to the other side. We all know that.

    Thank you for this 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, yes, and FUCK YAH to all of these things. I can’t promise you because everyone is different, but I will tell you it’s perfectly reasonable to expect a day when alcohol no longer phases you. The day when you say, “I’m done with this shit.” The day when the thought of crawling into a bottle will repulse you and the idea of messing up all the lovely in your life –just to sip some crap that doesn’t taste that great and that your body will HATE– will be unacceptable. It happens. Some people hang on to “the dream” and whine about FOMO and the BEAUTIFUL CHARDONNAYS and they’ll always feel edgy, but you and I will know that all we’re missing is anxiety and a headache and that chardonnay is just YELLOW ALCOHOL. EWE. Nasty. Well done on your 6 months!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well written Hurrah. I mentioned on someone else’s blog that in our small market town there is a new shop that seems dedicated to al jokey thing related to alcohol. The whole shop window is about wine and gin. They redressed the window this week thus proving that there is enough different stuff to have a completely new display.
    I had a memory of myself when I was drinking and just can’t imagine going back. If I did go back it would be horribly messy and me just giving up on myself and any future. I think the tide is slowly (very slowly changing) and like you I like to wear my conspiracy hat and feel that if the tide keeps changing all of a sudden they will push harder to keep us all addicted and mindless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I also think the tide is slowly changing…I’m seeing more and more articles about the ‘sober curious’ market. Although I did see a gym today called ‘gym and tonic’ ff sake, one step forward a couple steps back as they say. xxx

      Like

  5. Waw I thought I was the only one. I can be so mad at alcohol and myself that I was willing to believe that it was harmless. That I was no different than the rest (maybe I’m not but I no longer minimize the effects of alcohol on my body, my mind and the people around me). I finally see alcohol for what is really is and it makes so angry from time to time. Congrats on staying sober a year already

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is going on my home screen. It speaks volumns and on my Day 15 a good reminder. I prefer life over doom today. Congrats on 6 months and for special words!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think we have been on a similar time line! On 12th May 2016 I quit alcohol……for three months. I even had an eternity bracelet made up with the date on it. But nothing is lost in the grand scheme of things. Six months later I started again and surprisingly enough am still here at six months sober. Let’s do this!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A whole half a year… I’d be so tickled to say that. I’m an early bird…fighting down the path of recovery. Geez what I’m learning about alcohol… smoking never held a candle to it. It’s a damn death sentence. I feel so late to the game approaching another big bdy but I savor your words of strength and wisdom everytime my feed shows Hurrah for…. Thank you! And keep fighting the bumps and enjoy the hills!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So happy to have found your blog. I identify with SO MUCH. (As in, started drinking at 14, grew up in SA, mother of young children, living overseas and have always drunk (a lot) with my husband – and most of all, keenly aware, at last, that I have been absent from my life!) so glad to know that you are doing it and it can be done. Congratulations on 6 months! Day 6 up in here. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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