Happy F!

fword

Thank you for all the lovely messages and support. I am relieved and happy to report that I am still sober!

It was touch and go there for a while I won’t lie. One day after a disagreement with hubs I drove to the shop in a rage. I stormed in and got to the wine aisle and froze. I just stood there for what felt like an eternity when one of the assistants touched my arm and asked if they can help me. I quickly said no thank you and walked to the cashier fully intending to buy a pack of cigarettes and instead walked out the shop with some extra chewing gum. I think Aspartame is the lesser of three evils, no?

I don’t want to drink anymore, it’s a bullshit coping mechanism that threatened to destroy my family. These days I can actually look at myself in mirror without despising what I see and I’ll be damned if I throw that away just because I’ve had a stressful couple of months. In fact, I am much more capable of coping with all of this sober than I ever was when I was drinking.

So onwards and upward sober peeps. Happy sober weekend!!!

 

 

Advertisements

45 thoughts on “Happy F!

  1. I am glad that you are still sober. I would miss having you here if you had bought that bottle of wine and disappeared in to a rabbit hole. I am still looking for that magic, non addictive ‘thing’ that takes stress away. I thought I found it in chocolate but sadly one of the side effects was massive weight gain so I stopped that. I haven’t tried Aspartame yet, did it work for you? It has a list of potential health issues but who cares about that if it helps with life in general. I hear that they put it in soft drinks too and that might be a nice way of relaxing at the end of the day. Yes, I might begin an Aspartame addiction…..what do you think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my word don’t even joke about it. I’m totally hooked on it for real:) No it doesn’t work at all, it just causes massive carb and sweet cravings which really is the next thing I need to look at. I think all of these are linked. The booze, the sugar and the sweetner. I’m reading a book called Potatoes not Prozac that looks it this issue. There is no magic non-addictive thing. I could smoke weed except it makes me paranoid and I don’t know if this new sober journey precludes all mind altering substances. I sort of feel as though it does, because one drug does lead to another and the associations are strong. The only thing that is left and staring me in the face is yoga and meditation and I need to do those two things with some regularity before I can feel or see the benefits. This will take work an effort and I love quick fixes☺

      Liked by 2 people

      • No one is too fat for yoga! Its completely wonderful, you just need to find the right teacher. I am as infantile as they come and if I can do it anyone can☺ The book is remarkably interesting! I’m starting to understand the links between my energy levels/moods/willpower and what I eat. I haven’t finished it but so far I’m really intrigued and everything she talks about makes sense. The sugar sensitivity is linked to alcoholism and this is all linked to depression. x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a moment like this in the grocery store about 4 or 5 months in. I just stood staring at “my” bottle thinking should I? shouldn’t I? I was overwhelmed with craving and wanted it so badly but I realised that I had been here so many times before and this was a make or break moment. I walked away like you and felt a real sense of grief because really all I wanted in that moment was that bottle of oblivion. Well done for walking away.
    When the store assistant asked if she could help you and you said ‘No thank’ what you were really saying is ‘No thanks, only I can help myself’ and you DID!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know and yes I’m very relieved I didnt go there. Next time I’m that upset I want to take a walk around the block instead of driving to Tesco on auto pilot. This is one of the things that makes it so hard is that our drug of choice is as easy to get a hold of as bread and milk:) xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad to hear you opted for the chewing gum 🙂 you are stronger than I am.

    You left that shop with your goals for yourself intact. And you will definitely be able to cope better with life sober. Well done, pat yourself on the back!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are so Strong to walk away! No matter how stressed or pissed off you are there must be something deep inside you which wants to stay sober. Go girl. You really flexed your sober muscles there didn’t you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Are you quitting the blog world? (Hope not!). When I clicked to link here from your comment at SM, i got a page that looked like you’d shut down….??

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s