So yesterday I had one of the strongest cravings I’ve had since I quit. I was at my desk working, listening to some music and it just hit me out of nowhere. “Wine! I need wine, I need to drink wine, I need relief, I need to let go!”
I have been going through a really stressful time. Working all the hours God sends, looking after kids on my own while hubs was on hols. Of course, when he came back he admitted that he drank on the trip.
This hamster wheel of sobriety/drinking that we’ve been on in the last 10 years, when he started drinking again I started right back there with him.
Not this time baby! Aint no way I’m going there again.
I didn’t engage with the thought. I didn’t rationalise or even deny. This is where I usually would start having a conversation in my head that would go like this:
Alcohol voice: I need wine.
Voice of logic: You can’t have wine, you are addicted. This never ends well for you.
Alcohol voice: But I’ve had such a stressful time and I deserve some relief, the ONLY thing that will give me the relief is wine.
Voice of logic: No! You want to be sober, it’s better for you. You love your sober self and your sober life.
Alcohol voice: If hubs is going to get plastered you have the right to get plastered too! He can’t have fun without you. Why does he get to drink and I can’t?
Voice of logic: You really shouldn’t it’s bad for you. You are addicted and you can’t control it.
Alcohol voice: Fuck it! Fuck it all! Life’s short, you deserve a break. This whole thing is in your head, you are totally fine, everyone drinks!
Voice of logic: Now that you put it like that, I have been very stressed and everyone around us drinks. Yes fuck it! Bring ALL THE BOOZE YOU HAVE.
This would trigger a relapse that could last for months or even years.
Instead of having a conversation with the craving I just accepted it, breathed and waited for it to go. The thought got smaller and smaller and disappeared. It took about 15 minutes for it to go away completely.
Still sober baby!