“Life didnt get any easier when I got sober but it got real fucking clear!”

I read a quote on a blog yesterday that perfectly describes early sobriety for me.

“Life didn’t get any easier when I got sober but it got real fucking clear!”

That’s it!

Early sobriety is where you are stuck in purgatory you’re not in heaven yet and you’re not quite in hell anymore. You are in a really weird place in between. All of a sudden it feels like you are waking up to your life & now you have to deal with all of it sober!

Depending on how far down the rabbit hole you’ve gone this can be quite challenging. I was a high functioning ‘alcoholic’ so the life I’m waking up to is more than ok. There by the grace of God go I, right? Thankfully I haven’t lost my house, my job my family. I have a very nice little life, a beautiful family, a career that enables me to work from home and see the children more, a husband whom I adore (even if he drives me nuts)

What I’m waking up to is how ‘small’ I’ve allowed my life to become. Hobbies and creative pursuits were all put on the back burner in favour of drinking. It made me BORING, and made me BORED WITH LIFE. Now all the Dianorphin is leaving my system and my mild depression is kicking in I’m looking around me thinking…”Girl, you gotta get up and go DO something.”(I don’t know why my inner monologue is always a strong southern accent, I’m not even American)

There is a whole world out there, with amazing and interesting things in it. My curiosity hasn’t been truly active since I was a child and I can feel it slowly coming back.

I’m reminded of the poem by By Dr. Seuss

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on y our way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t
Because, sometimes they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

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20 thoughts on ““Life didnt get any easier when I got sober but it got real fucking clear!”

  1. This is exactly what I needed to read this morning at 5:00 am-ish. I had given up most of the fun stuff while drinking to focus on not drinking, and I’ve been in the waiting room ever since. It’s amazing how much recovery is like putting yourself back in kindergarten. Kindergarten was fun! You could be creative all day long, and then take a nap. You played with other kids without worrying what to say. You danced without thinking you looked weird.
    I am going to spend the day playing. But first I am going to go outside and look at the stars.
    Thank you for this creative reminder!!!
    xoxo,
    Shawna

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Somehow you’ll escape
      all that waiting and staying
      You’ll find the bright places
      where Boom Bands are playing.”

      I want to go back to Kindergarten! Nap anytime I want and run around screaming like a lunatic. Dance to the music in my head. Actually if you look at kids parties that is a perfect illustration to see how we don’t need alcohol to have fun.
      Kids are all shy in the beginning but 10 minutes later they are all just running around being free and wild with utter abandon. Need some practise but I like where this is going….

      Liked by 1 person

      • What I found out though is that if I actually attend one of these “free dance” spiritual groups for adults, I would be more likely to think that it was creepy. In other words, I may have lost the ability not to judge. Becoming childlike again can be a bit of a challenge, but really worth the effort. I just read that Kate Hudson (of all people) dances like a crazy person by herself to life her mood. Maybe I’ll give that a try. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

      • I know what you mean about the creepy. Haven’t done the group dance things yet. It’s shedding inhibitions without alcohol I find challenging. I do dance in my living room alone to the funky sounds of James Brown and it really does lift the spirits. x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a bloody BRILLIANT POEM! I need to read this often. I could hug you for typing all that out, I really needed this today. ‘There is fun to be done’…. yes indeed there IS. xxxx Thank you thank you thank you for this inspiring post xxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I’m thinking the poem is not just aimed at children!
      I also don’t like being alone. I heard someone say that there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Lonely is a story we tell ourselves that has concepts attached to it. Being alone is just that, a fact. I’m hardly ever alone anyway, can’t even go to the bathroom in peace, my children are in there with me:) It still frightens me though, something I’ll need to look at in due course.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So true! As if sitting down every night drinking a bottle of wine is life! I got it round the wrong way, I was telling myself life would be boring without alcohol, not realising that it was already boring!!! now free of the stuff I can do things I haven’t done before. Drive out to an art class (couldn’t do that with a bottle of wine in me) wake up clear headed and go for a walk. The world is my oyster! thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Society is brainwashed by clever marketing companies that make alcohol seem like this magic elixer of life. Actually it’s the most boring thing in the world being drunk because you aren’t even really aware of what’s going on around you. Art class, now there is an idea. I havent done drawing in ages. Maybe that will be where I start.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I gave this book to my daughter on her 18th birthday as it never gets old. This sober life is about finding the joy in small things and activities and I hope you find something you enjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

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