Sad/Mad today

I feel really sad today. I was looking through old photos of the kids on Facebook. You know the disingenuous FB posts where it says. “Here at Facebook we care about your memories look at this post from 3 years ago!”

Looking through the photos I was remembering the mother I was. I was SO fucking tired, I didn’t know what I was doing half the time and I was drinking to ease the depression.

I’m so sad for her! I want to give her a hug and tell her that it’s going to be ok and that she will get out of the fucking pit of despair that is alcohol addiction.

As I was scrolling through the posts on Facebook I came across several posts (my own) that made me angry.

Post like these
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These posts help normalise my drinking, made me feel like I didn’t have a problem because I got so many likes, laughs, comments and re-shares.

It occurred to me that I might have quit sooner if I didn’t live in this permissive enviroment where everyone is using alcohol to self medicate.

This culture we live in has a lot to anser for. It’s not fucking normal.

Sorry about the rant. I’m off for a run to recalibrate.



8 thoughts on “Sad/Mad today

  1. Wow, that is exactly how I felt as the mother of young kids. I was exhausted, in a difficult marriage, and isolated because my family lived in other parts of the country. No babysitters. No one to call when you had had enough and needed to sleep for a change. I’m angry that alcohol caused everything to be so much worse. The tradeoff for those couple hours of feeling less lonely cost all of us in exhaustion and short tempers the next day.

    I was always looking for friends who normalized this drinking, and I found them. And you are so right about how entitled we felt in drinking while parenting. While babysitting. While driving.

    I seldom dwell on those days, but it does show up in the photos and videos. And I forgive myself and release the memories, allowing them to float off and dissipate as part of a past that no longer matters. And I search the photos for smiles on the faces of my children, and remember that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I see those fb posts all the time as well and cringe. One came up not long ago I posted that said “I’m never drinking again… Ya right like that’s going to happen haha”. Was from years ago… or another one, “nothing a bottle of wine can’t fix” or “pre-drinking is the way to go”. These are status posts I wrote in my 20’s like 2002-2008 era. And of course those status’s got a bunch of likes… Mehhhhh so over that BS!! I was so clueless then, had no idea why I felt like shit and was tired all the time. I still am, haven’t gotten quite over it yet or had that many sober days to say “I’m feeling so much better”, but I’m getting there and I’m 100% more educated now than I ever was then. Godspeed!

    Liked by 1 person

      • So 100% true. I wrote just yesterday I think that I’ve been passing everything I learn to my boyfriend to try n help him see the ways (which he has), but he’s struggling. But he always retreats back to wanting to stop drinking after he drinks which we have all done, so I’m hoping he figures it out soon for himself. But I said, once you see and learn about the ways of alcohol, the corrupt system and how we’ve been conditioned since children that it’s needed and okay to drink… you see right through it all and you can’t ever unsee it. 👏

        Liked by 1 person

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