“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

So yesterday I sat down and wrote out all the horrible things I did while drinking. The things I could remember that is!

I cried, I howled and I breathed through it.

I wrote apologies to my children for being an absent mother and for being aggressively hung over for most of their lives.

Facing it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be.

I realise now that yes I did all those things and yes its totally deplorable and awful but that doesn’t define me.

That  was a drunk mess who thought she had no other option.

It’s like that quote from Maya Angelou.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

 

 

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10 thoughts on ““Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

  1. Wow, I applaud your courage. Was this part of an AA step? I never made it far enough to have to make amends, though I have done it somewhat in my own way. But I have let go of guilt. It does no one good and it leads to drinking. ; )

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve tried to go to AA and it didn’t really work for me. I just instinctively knew I had to do it because the guilty thoughts were driving me crazy. The fear of facing it honestly was worse that actually just sitting down and getting honest with myself. I also wrote all of this in my recovery journal (didn’t burn it) I think I’ll need to reference back to it when I start to forget how degrading and awful alcohol really is. The forgetting happens, I’ve done this before:)

      Liked by 1 person

      • I liked most of the AA stuff, and I made some great friends there. We’ve moved, however, and the meetings here are really small (sometimes just 5 or 6 people in women’s meetings). Somehow, online blogging works better for me, maybe because it’s easier to connect with the words someone is speaking when you’re not distracted by physical appearances. It’s kind of like online dating, I guess. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I went to an AA meeting in my area and it was literally 3 men over 55 all three looking at me like I was an alien from outer space. I wasn’t comfortable sharing anything because I had so very little in common with them and it all felt a bit like the twilight zone. If there were a woman’s only meeting around the area I would consider it because I like the social aspect of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not really an AAer, but I go occasionally.
      My meetings are similar. Older men.
      But sometimes they tell stories of such loneliness and pain that I know inside we are all truly the same.
      It’s an interesting place, AA. Rarely do people speak with such honesty in the world.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. And me too.
    I have done and felt all those things.
    Now I look back and have great sympathy for myself. I was suffering and struggling and oh so scared.

    My true amends are my life today. I am a good, honest, kind mom. The kids occasionally joke about drinking me…so I know the see the difference and forgive me.

    Like

    • Thank you for your words of encouragement! It means so much to me to know that I am not alone in this.
      I’m getting to the place where I can see my innocence, but also at the same time now have the responsibility to do better.

      Like

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